Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Thoughts on Valentine's Day

Here's my thoughts:

I think it's the stupidest holiday ever.

The end.

And, as the girls in my ward told me when I said that, I must have the luckiest husband ever, because he doesn't have to do anything for Valentine's Day.

Yup, he's a lucky one.

I know you were probably thinking I was going to say something like, "Mike and I don't need a special day to celebrate our love! We celebrate all year round!"

I just threw up a little bit.
Don't get me wrong.

I love Mike.

I love, love, love Mike.

But I don't need to give him those gross chalk-like conversation hearts for him to know that. Seriously, who invented those things? It's like someone took a piece of chalk, colored it pink, wrote "I love you" on it and called it candy. How is this a billion dollar idea?!

But I will admit my very favorite part of this holiday: JuJu Hearts.

They are my very favorite candy in the world and you can only get them at stupid, dumb Valentine's Day.

Mean, dumb-ass candy-nazis.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Super Bowl Sunday

So, this past Sunday we got together to watch the Colts try to take out the Saints.

You want to know what the very best part of the Super Bowl is?

The fact that after it's over, there's NO MORE FOOTBALL for a long time! *Insert GASP here* Yes, I'm starting to like football, but after the Utes are done, I'm done. Carrie Underwood graced us with her rendition of "The National Anthem."
The Who performed at halftime. Who? The Who? Who is performing at halftime? Who? (Yeah that joke went on for quite a while.) And I thought they didn't start off very well, and it took them a couple of numbers to finally get into their stride, but in the end they had that stadium waving cell phones like it was Woodstock. And the stage was very cool.

In the 2nd half, I convinced Sarah to play Candyland and Checkers with me.

I won't say who won, because that would really deflate my pride.

In the end, the Saints were "blessed" and ran over the Colts for a final score of 31-17. Which, ironically enough, was the final score of the Sugar Bowl when the Utes played Alabama.

And does anybody actually know what the Saints mascot is?

The Pope? (Courtesy of Durrant.)

Monday, February 8, 2010

The Chicago Caper

Anyone out there watch "The Office?"
Before Christmas, there was an episode where Michael tried to lift the spirits of everyone in the office by pretending that they were in a murder mystery.
Which gave me an idea.
We should totally do that!
So, I got Sarah on board and we started to plan. Jill immediately said she and Durrant were in (even though Durrant was hesitant at first, Jill convinced him. Oh, the powers of wifely persuasion).
After researching the different games out there, I picked The Chicago Caper, because the characters (and costumes!) sounded like they would be the most fun for everyone.
It turned out the most difficult part was finding a 4th couple. (I know. You'd think the most difficult part would be convincing Mike to dress up and pretend to be someone else, but he said "yes" right away. Probably because I was so excited about it.) And after exhausting most of my resources and asking every couple I could think of (and if any of you who turned me down are reading this, all I can say is YOU TOTALLY MISSED OUT! So, I blow a raspberry in your general direction! I understand, some men are totally party-poopers. And if we ever do it again, I hope you'll want to take part next time, because we had so much fun!) my sister, Jen, found a date and became our couple #4.
Because I am my mother's daughter (see previous posts for confirmation of this fact), I researched everything I could about Speakeasy's, prohibition, and the 1920's. So, I set the house up like a Speakeasy. We put a curtain up and the guests had to use "the secret knock and password" to enter into the Speakeasy. I also found out that Chinese takeout became big in the '20's, so that took care of the menu.

And, my dad was nice enough to be our "Chinese" waiter, complete with the offensive accent. Like I said, I'm my mother's daughter, as evidenced by the table:
The Players:

Molly M. Awbsterr & Billy "The Kid" Thrower

(Jill & Durrant) Anna Maria Carlotta Sassine ("Torchy") & Ernie "Bet-A-Million" G. Ambler

(Sarah & Ryan) Malissa F. Orrthot ("Scoop") & S. Treighton Harrow

(Jen & Chase) "Silky" M. Adam & Eddie "Socks" R. Gyle

(Me & Mike) So, after the game it turned out the murderer was . . .



And I really didn't plan it that way.


Monday, February 1, 2010

For My Sister, Aimee

A woman is often measured by the things she cannot control. she is measured by the way her body curves or doesn't curve, by where she is flat or straight or round. she is measured by 36-24-26 and inches and ages and numbers, by all the outside things that don't ever add up to who she is on the inside. and so if a woman is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can control, by who she is and who she is trying to become. because every woman knows, measurements are only statistics and statistics lie.

And what did I learn this weekend?

I'm a total bitch.